tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post8943253830518676649..comments2024-03-18T20:41:39.140-07:00Comments on C. E. Chaffin's Blog: Eating Crow?C. E. Chaffinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02639448512282317750noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post-26005192389769226432011-03-25T13:28:21.799-07:002011-03-25T13:28:21.799-07:00Thanks John, HA, Mittens, Steve, everyone...I grab...Thanks John, HA, Mittens, Steve, everyone...I grabbed the courage to actually look at my blog today. I can't tell you how much courage it takes. I am tearful as I write this because I am reminded of my loss of imagined self, my non-depressive self, a self that allowed me joy and hope, sadly now lost to the vagaries of this cyclic illness. Is it the death of a false self or the loss of an exalted self? Who's to know? How do I make sense of my now plebeian existence? Whence the courage to vacuum, dust, pay bills, walk the dog, contact friends? I wish I could hide forever but each breath I take exposes me again. Thanks again for all your encouragement. I am lost for the moment and don't know how to find myself. I must soldier on somehow.C. E. Chaffinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02639448512282317750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post-2445912868133944222011-03-17T12:44:40.379-07:002011-03-17T12:44:40.379-07:00Geoff, thanks, have to go check yours out.Geoff, thanks, have to go check yours out.C. E. Chaffinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02639448512282317750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post-58390917625304120692011-01-26T17:17:05.054-08:002011-01-26T17:17:05.054-08:00I like and am challenged by your "Details&quo...I like and am challenged by your "Details" in this month's issue of <i>Quill and Parchment</i>. Which one(s) of mine did you, do you, like most?Geoff M. Popehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13152413400104853539noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post-24282997732120568372011-01-26T12:14:45.603-08:002011-01-26T12:14:45.603-08:00I'm thinking of you and praying you'll fin...I'm thinking of you and praying you'll find your way. You're a good man.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post-27775058939804303912011-01-26T07:17:33.991-08:002011-01-26T07:17:33.991-08:00not sure if this makes sense or not, but when I ha...not sure if this makes sense or not, but when I have encountered a crashing, cheek reddening blow, the one thing that holds me together a little longer is to remind myself that the good parts of the experience (the one that led to the edge of the well and shoved me in) existed for me. I experienced it. There was joy, euphoria, a whole buncha stuff that cannot be taken away from me. The experience you had, even though it was your own brain sending out the fireworks, existed for you. It brought you joy, pleasure, all that. <br /><br />Edna Millay has a wonderful line, "Do not say it was not love, just because it ended". <br /><br />And, yeah, Steve is right, being outside of the experience, people could sort of see that this wasnt going to last. But you can't know that, being in the middle of it. Nothing to be embarrassed about, hon. Just hang on to the good parts. Yes they are there. Your amazing wife is one of the major parts and you recognize that. <br /><br />Take care.mittenshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04878611591683283429noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post-80937208414280201412011-01-25T07:33:54.435-08:002011-01-25T07:33:54.435-08:00Dear C.E.,
Another retrospective put it this way:...Dear C.E.,<br /><br />Another retrospective put it this way:<br /><br />"Bless the Lord O my soul, and all that is within me bless his Holy Name.<br />Bless the Lord O my soul and forget not <br />all his benefits--<br />who forgives all your sins and <br />heals all your diseases,<br />who redeems your life from the pit and<br />crowns you with love and compassion,<br />who satisfies your desires with good things so<br />that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."<br /><br />--ps 103: 1-3.<br /><br />As you have written, previously, the author, to<br />whom these thoughts are attributed, suffered from mood swings and prolonged periods of depression. I wonder if this psalm was the rudder which enabled him to function effectively independent of his feelings<br /><br />In Rom 12:2 we are admonished:<br /><br />"...do not conform any longer to the pattern<br />of this world, (the default position in our social programming, I take this to mean?)<br />but be transformed (note the verb voice)by<br />the renewing of your mind."<br /><br />C.E., as we've all said so many time when offering a critique on another's poem, "This<br />is to take or leave, just another's point of view."<br /><br />1) Don't throw out the baby with the bath water!!<br />Something DID happen to you. <br />You described it in terms of how it made you feel. Feelings change. It doesn't follow, however, that therefore the change in feelings somehow invalidates the reality of the event(s)<br />Faith is independent of the feelings attendant with our introduction to it, right? So, tho the feelings are excessive or even abberant in nature, they, being mere fleshly descriptors of a spiritual event, are incapable of changing the nature of the event in any way, right?<br />Don't let doubt creep in because of *feeling*<br />differently about it subsequently. <br />2) You have been made a *new* creature in Christ Jesus. Yet you live in the same *old* body with everyone of its previous imperfections reminding you its having remained exactly the same. New in spirit, bodily the same sounds contradictive, but we are promised that one day these bodies will be perfected to match the perfection of the new spirit. <br /><br />In the mean time, the apostle Paul says we must<br />allow ourselves to be transformed. How? He says by the renewing of our minds. <br /><br />How does one renew the mind? <br /><br />One useful way could be in verbally rehersing the benefits of the Father's grace provided to us by David the psalmist, as above....<br /><br />3) Function whether you feel like it or not<br /><br />This is the title of a sermon a friend of mine delivered many years ago. The title says it all.<br /><br />Enough for now.<br />Keep the faith<br />and until the day<br />of his coming, know<br />you are both a blessing<br />and being blessed,<br /><br />HAAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post-20397993147279620162011-01-25T00:14:44.483-08:002011-01-25T00:14:44.483-08:00Hi Craig,
I hope you don't feel any shame at ...Hi Craig,<br /><br />I hope you don't feel any shame at all. There should be no more shame in manic-depression than influenza. It's not the doing of your volition. <br /><br />What IS the doing of your volition is having the courage to write about it which I'm astounded by. I can't relate to your specific experience. Though I can relate to having neurotransmitters betray me during a struggle with severe and undiagnosed hypothyroidism. You're the doctor. You know our brain chemistry shapes our thoughts. Our minds are imperfect. It's our will and intention that is commentary on who we are. It is clear that your will and your intention is pristine. <br /><br />You have nothing to be ashamed of at all. <br /><br />I'm so sorry to hear of the pain you're suffering right now. But I hope you feel this: You mind may have misinformed you of some details while you were manic. But your courage may save peoples lives. You giving voice to your own struggle may save somebody's life. In your suffering, you may have done the greatest service a person can do. That may not sort out neurotransmitters. But it's something to be proud of. <br /><br />Be well and continue your courage.<br /><br />John WillisAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post-82876681750017400822011-01-23T14:10:56.519-08:002011-01-23T14:10:56.519-08:00Thanks, Steve, you are so kind to comment. I cann...Thanks, Steve, you are so kind to comment. I cannot describe to you the horror of daily existence now. I cannot decide to decide anything. If my wife had not returned, I don't know what would have happened. She is my life boat. Bless you for your compassion.C. E. Chaffinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02639448512282317750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-14879983.post-26442130001895447522011-01-21T19:02:06.590-08:002011-01-21T19:02:06.590-08:00Craig, I was afraid of this having read of your su...Craig, I was afraid of this having read of your sudden conversion and the attendant prophetic feelings. I'll be thinking of you and wishing you well. I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, and while we're not alike, I know enough to speak from my heart and to know that I recognize you are heartbroken. It happens, my friend, and will happen again. Let those who love you, love you. Stay alive.Steve Mueskehttp://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=749770730noreply@blogger.com