Why My Blog Is a Failure

Here in Mexico at the Bagel Cafe I found a copy of Time with a page of tips on how to have a successful blog. I have followed none of them.

First, you need a lot of links to other blogs and sites and topics to make the search engines.

Second, you need to stay on one topic.


So, a man goes into a blog and asks for some ink.

"We don't serve ink."

"How 'bout some paper?"

"Nope."

"All right, give me pixels on ice."

"We only serve pixels neat."

"Whatever."


This passes for humor? Not! I just made it up out of a bad pun. I apologize if you read it.

Who reads this crap, anyway? Gotta stay on one topic... hmmm.....

My one consistent topic is going be well-considered, factually researched and currently hot.

To pic from so many topics--ouch! Yet I have chosen one, the one you're dying to hear about.

My topic, thus, is you. My blog is entirely devoted to you.

How are you? What are your worries? Money, weight, relationships, illness? E-mail me your troubles or bravely post them here.

By the way, Dear Abby died and her daughter's doing the column. I'm so much better qualified! Not only am I a family doctor, I trained in psychiatry.

You can't afford my help. But soon I'll publish my PayPal account.

What's free advice worth, anyway?

Still, my topic is you and your health and happiness.

Ask me anything.

Why just yesterday a man complained to me that his wife thought she was a refrigerator.

I said, "So what?"

He said, "I wouldn't mind but when she sleeps with her mouth open the light keeps me up."

This passes for wit? Not! I stole the joke from some movie I can't remember.

I'm forgetting more and more these days as my hard drive is full and every new memory must replace an old one--like the etomology of aardvark (Dutch for earth pig). Why should this fact remain in my head when I've forgotten my niece and nephew's birthdays? (Sorry, Jack and Gilly)

This blog affords me the opportunity to stay on topic and talk about you.

You, hypocrite lecteur! Mon semblable, mon frere!


Thine,

CE, the Failed Blogger


p.s. There's a picture up of me now for the brave of heart.