I changed my password but think spammers still get through. Don't know how to stop them.
As for my condition, I am paralyzed with fear despite copious medications. It's a little better at night with some brandy and numbness and television. I read pulp fiction during the day. Attend a couple JC classes that I don't understand and am too anxious to actually study for.
I'm in therapy but it is more hand-holding to prevent suicide.
If it weren't for the love of my wife I would no longer be here. Kathleen is a saint.
I do not understand how people can get up in the morning, stretch and mutter "carpe diem." I have no interest in anything and nothing to seize. I do my utmost to avoid pain and responsibility, but in the end they are inescapable.
I am in hell. The smallest tasks fill me with trepidation. Showering. Brushing my teeth. It's a miracle I practice personal hygiene at all.
I can't seem to organize anything or make decisions about anything. It's as if I've lost my soul, at least my conscious deciding ego. Sometimes I just flip a coin to make a decision, as it doesn't matter to me, and randomness is as good as anything since I can't think clearly.
Terrified--beyond Kilorats into some fear state I cannot adequately describe.
And how was your day?