Friday, July 13, 2007

Empowered by Desperation; New Publication

I wanted let my readers know that I'm slightly better since my 5 kilorat nadir on Tuesday. As I wept at my psychiatrist's office on Wednesday, I told him I wanted off the Cymbalta, as I didn't trust it anymore, and that the Seroquel, according to Kathleen, was making me much worse. And it was.

I asked for an antidepressant combination that helped me ten years ago: Prozac + Wellbutrin. Though at first he didn't agree, he later did, saying that he had to "listen to his patients." I was empowered by desperation: "These are the medications I think I should be on." Having him concede made me feel more in control of my fate. I haven't cried since that session.

I don't claim to be well, just not as sick.

I want to be well. If Jesus were nearby I would outshout the lepers.

Despite my depression, over the last four months I've had four magazines pay me for poems: Byline, Astropoetica, Grasslimb and Contrary. I had an essay published in Umbrella and have another essay coming out later this month in Blue Fifth Review. Meanwhile Sam Rasnake (whose blog I recommend, link below), editor of Blue Fifth, has honored me with a broadside--an independent feature, so I understand it--where a poet reads his poem on audio. Mine is "Almost Eden," a love poem.

Although an ex-poet, I can still send old ones away. And however small the check, I can call myself "a professional"--even if I can't make a living from it, not by a longshot.

I'm too tired to write more, but in my next post I hope to tell the tale of the wild cucumber.





Until then, at 3 Kilorats,

CE

10 comments:

  1. Masale.Wallah2:18 PM PDT

    It's very nice to hear you're feeling better, if only slightly.
    Hope you have a pleasant weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous9:56 PM PDT

    Lucky me...I got to see you briefly today. It was good to see you out and about and to hear you're feeling better with the medication change. Sometimes we have to speak up to doctors, you know? Let them know what we know from experience. Easier for you to do, of course, Craig...but very difficult to do for many who cower in the their presence...but I urge all who know when drugs prescribed work and don't work to do speak up...the sooner the better. So many of these drugs are not easy to remove quickly.

    I post tonight mainly to say how good it was to see you today, up and about, living life on the coast. I hope it just gets better and for you and yours.

    Pat

    ReplyDelete
  3. Thank you, Masale. Are you in the Mideast?

    Pat, good to see you as well. No matter how sick I am, I can dissemble publicly, but today I wasn't acting.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous4:00 AM PDT

    8 times out of 10 when I go see a dr. I tell HER what I want. She gives it to me. It isn't hard to do since Drs. are so into pushing meds.

    Hopefully this combination of meds will work for you and you are soon back to your "insulting" self.rrqc

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hope things improve. And well done on the four paid acceptances.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Masale.Wallah1:29 PM PDT

    No, no.. I'm in the Midwest actually...and Masale.Wallah is just an online pseudonym.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I know from statistics that someone in the Mideast reads me. I also have a reader in the Canary Islands. There's someone in Malaysia, too. I don't know that this means anything. It was just my prejudice to associate your pseudonym with the Mideast, masale.

    And who knows my healthy, "insulting self?" That intrigues me. Hope I can insult you soon.

    I don't really insult people. I throw brain puzzles, usually of logic or linguistics, at their unsuspecting psyches in the course of a normal conversation. When their faces freeze in incomprehension I admit to a childish thrill as I watch the tumblers in their brains paralyzed as mine have so often been.

    Stupid people mistake these Zen encounters as insults. To all of them I apologize.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous12:06 PM PDT

    Ohhh man....There is that word STUPID again !! I hate that word !!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous4:35 AM PDT

    CE:

    I believe your friend is mistaking intelligence for arrogance. That's a common error among those with inferiority complexes. Their sense of inadequacy perceives belittling where there is no such thing. Can you suggest a drug regimen to make this person feel at least six feet tall?

    take care
    norm

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks, Norm, I needed that.

    "Craig, beware of putting things in your mouth. Most kids learn that before the age of three. Alas, all who know me know that I am socially retarded."

    When I write things like that I suppose my arrogance seeps through. The problem, really, is that "stupid" is a hot button for so many. I think "arrogant" is a hot button for me. Of course the remarks to which you refer appear in the next blog, not here. Good luck with your essay compilation!

    ReplyDelete

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