Tell me if this is normal background worry:
A vague recrimination about your hoping to be dead before the planet goes to hell; a guilty wish to be protected from people you don't like; dread at answering the phone; being afraid to speak my real feelings for fear of hurting other people's feelings. I take my anger out on little issues like; "Why didn't you tell you were going to take my effin cell phone!"
Or maybe that violation is justifiably anger-provoking.
How would I know? It's been so long since I've been normal, if ever I was.
I'm taking all my medications but not feeling particularly sanguine. I wonder if I am within the normal range of feelings.
Normality requires a kind of blindness to things, a protective tunnel vision constructed around concrete reality. I get so bored with that.
I have great ambivalence toward my visiting stepson whom I recently sprang from Mexico in a act of mad forgiveness, but I can't go into detail, I might hurt someone's feelings.
What about my feelings? Is my polite subjugation to others' needs really polite or just subjugation? Am I a man or a mouse?
Why can't I be my own co-dependent?
I have enough voices in my head for a complete AA meeting.
I'm not psychotic. I'm not depressed. I'm stressed and slightly melancholy.
3 new beings in my environment in less than 3 weeks! I was silly to go along with it. It's a wonder I haven't lost my mind.
Now Kathleen and the cats and Derek gang up on me . I'm a stranger in my own home and I pay the rent.
I do like the cats.
Soon the stress of Thanksgiving.
Even joy is stressful.
At 1 Kilorat,