Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Relapse Threatens

Ten days of feeling like a person and boom! An imbroglio with Kathleen and I find myself crying Monday morning over the rupture, which appeared to trigger my underlying depression despite the neutral tones of Adderall.

I also cut my Wellbutrin dose in half for three days, having been too lazy to refill it, not knowing if my doctor wanted me to stay on it—yes, I know better, I should never alter a single milligram of anything in my regimen when improvement occurs—but let's not forget that I am a mental patient.

This is the interface of biology and psychology. There is a “kindling” effect in both mania and depression, whereby the more times the brain has been exposed to an extreme mood, the easier it is to provoke its recurrence.

I got my feelings deeply hurt by the one I love. I reduced the dosage of only one of five psychoactive medications and that just for three days—days dominated by a reason for sadness.

Everyone knows I'm in love with Kathleen.

Naked among the stars,
whose center should we choose?

Orbiting you makes me
committed to planethood.

You are my cleansing sun;
scour my atmosphere.

As water loves stone,
wear me like a river.

I was near tears again yesterday and today but did not indulge my lacrimation.

My sadness may be normal but my brain is not, thus it tuned in too assiduously to the depressive channel after a brief exposure to one of its frequencies.

C'est domage.

Not rated,


1 comment:

  1. Empress2294:58 PM PST

    Everyone knows you are madly in love with the lovable K, so you will be fine soon. Buy her some flowers and candy, man.


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