Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Great New Year Sayings!

Some are stolen, some are original. The challenge is to cite the stolen.

I haven't given up on fame; fame has given up on me.

Katie phone Holmes.

Everybody talks about the weather but no one does anything about it.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

The problem with this world is that there's too much me to go around.

Some people are so dumb I wouldn't tie my horse to them.

There are worse ways to get through a war than a quart of scotch a day.

Give me liberty or maybe I could trade it for increased security, invasion of privacy, and a pointless war?

Surgery kept me young, but alas, drugs aged me.

San Miguel, home of hip hip fractures, the largest outdoor mental asylum in the world: where half the people are on drugs and the other half should be on medications.

Just because I strangled my mother doesn't make me a bad guy.

The Ramones were great unti they went punk.

The only way to insult a pig is to eat it.

A good day is when you pull the sheet off your own face.

Lick Ass and Eat Crow are not Indian tribes but the surest way to corporate promotion.

The chief source of human conflict is that each of us expects others to be like ourselves and judge them accordingly, as in: "Why aren't you writing a fucking blog?"

Distracted from distraction by distraction.

For once, then, something.

It ain't over until the fat lady gets off you and you get paid.

A rut's just a grave with the ends kicked out.

If ifs and buts were candy and nuts then every day would be Christmas.

Let's keep the '$' in "$Mas!

The mantra of the uncommitted: "I'm not religious, I'm spiritual."

Better a eggs without bacon than a soldier without an -ism.

OJ: squeezed until innocent. .

Michael Jackson, also innocent, should be credited with expanding the concept of a petting zoo.

To a blind men we all look alike, to a deaf man we all sound alike; an aardvark does not notice us because we are not ants.

Alzheimer's? Fughedaboutit.

In the bad movie we call life I drink to keep other people out of focus.

If I were rich we wouldn't be doing this.

You catch more flies with heroin than honey.

Zippers for the impatient, buttons for the shy.

Every bee-bee gun should come with a dead sparrow.

Celebrity deprivation will be the new disease of the century.

Jews don't control Hollywood, their lawyers do.

To be saggy, bald and fat does not necessarily mean you're a baby-boomer, though the odds are good--if you're wearing diapers you might still be a WWII veteran! Too bad the generation that saved a continent could not save __________.

If you love something let it go; if it comes back, humiliate it.

All the wisdom for today,

C.E. Chaffin

p.s. "Give Dobey the Jaguar."

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