Wednesday, December 14, 2005

A Plethora of Exciting Links!

First, some nuts and bolts. I've changed the settings here so you shouldn't have to create your own blog to post a comment. Also there is a verification requirement to type a few letters in order to prevent spam.

Now back to Mexico. Some of you may not know that I've written a number of cross-cultural columns on this magical land for various journals. Here are some links. I tried to make them click-on links in this blog format with no success, so if your computer is like mine you'll have to go to all that work of copying and pasting the sites in--apologies in extremus!

"Escape from LA"

"Yes We Have No Bananas"

"Dead-End Thinking"

"Borges on Basketball"
(one of the best things I've written)

"The Doctor and Dysentery"

"From the Land of Burros but No Asses"
(Probably the funniest, written by my alter ego, Dweebler Cramden, "The Gigolosaurus.") Here's an excerpt:

"Now for Mexican women, most of whom are mestizos of mixed Indian and Spanish descent. It’s a sad, sad fact, but Mexico should be known as the land of flat asses. Pancake keisters. Nalgas de tortillas!

The more Indian blood in a woman here, the more likely it is that properly heated, her posterior could iron my dress shirts without leaving a single crease. Most mujeras are built squarely and carry weight in their bellies and limbs without an extra ounce to donate to that great hemisphere of feminine supremacy, as typified by Serena Williams, whose marvelous plum adorns the American sports pages. I don’t know if she’s an athlete in bed, and though a little anorexic, I’d take her if she’d have me, though we might require a few extra pillows.

I have several theories to explain the tortilla butt of the average Mexican woman. Chief among them is the fact that I have yet to see, much less sit upon, a cushiony chair or couch since coming here.

I had some new publications to promote, but this blogging software stole it away. Besides I've already inundated you above with over 10,000 words of links, but I promise, with a blog-back guarantee, that if you read all of them you will laugh out loud at least three times.

Hostage in Kafka's Mexico,



  1. I was already in no hurry to get to Mexico due to this blog and now this! Tortilla Asses! Well, I’m sure it can’t get any worse, so it can only brighten-up from here on. Good luck and God speed you from that buttless land.

  2. Dear Jarod,

    Yes, yes. Hope you got a chuckle out of it. The whole article by my cousing Dweebler, who seduces rich fat ladies, is quite amusing.

    And don't forget to submit like I told you to!

  3. Your screed against Mexican women, and their asses, is misdirected. Come back to the U.S. and look around. And Chaffins have nothing on Mexican women in the back-end department -- I'm a living legacy of Roger's wide-load posterior.



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