I don't want to slice it too fine, but I am feeling a tad better today. I haven't wept so far. As my grandson's favorite, "Thomas the Tank," is wont to say, I have tried to be a "useful engine." Kathleen dislikes this concept in the "Thomas the Tank" series (the toys originate from Britain) because she thinks it makes behavior the price for self-esteem. I argue that certainly, children need to be loved unconditionally, but they also need a sense of mastery. And striving for mastery is an important source of self-esteem. Achievement, work, mastery, striving, are part and parcel of our self-view, and I don't think this confined to the West. Mastery begins early and remains important, whether it involves dressing a doll or riding a bike. Of course the very question of self-esteem is ridiculous in depression, as a Nobel Prize wouldn't change one's opinion of oneself.
It's raining heavily today in spurts; I wanted to mulch my garden before the rains started but was caught short in my sloth. This year I plan only to have a flower garden as most vegetables did not fare well last year.
I cried through most of my appt. with my psychiatrist yesterday. He wants me to give up alcohol altogether, my last vice besides coffee, though that is not the reason I cried. I am desperate enough to comply with his advice, though I never saw alcohol consumption having any influence on my mood in the past; now comes the hard part, saying good-bye to a good friend. (I've quit drinking for long periods in the past, and could never see how it made my life either better or worse.)
Here's a little exercise for today:
Triolet
The madman lost his magic sequined hat
Whose tiny mirrors gave him the power to think.
Now his brain babbled "Jehoshophat."
The madman lost his magic sequined hat.
Without it he could not tie his cravat.
He needed silver moons to help him link.
The madman lost his magic sequined hat
Whose tiny mirrors gave him the power to think.
Unstably,
CE
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Dear C.E.
ReplyDeleteI think the act of striving in and of itself is what impacts self-esteem. On the most basic level, one's body strives for oxygen. On a more complex plateau, one strives for peace of mind. To strive is what defines us, to strive is to be. To deny that is to deny our existence.
Anyway, my powers of conveyance seem to have gone off duty, so I'll leave this until next time. Thanks C.E. and best with the booze, ugh,
Remson
I like what you wrote about Thomas. My daughters both adore Thomas and I like Kathleen really disliked the 'useful engine' mantra.
ReplyDeleteYour spin makes sense and fits in better with the context of the original writers of the books. I always had a hard time figuring out where to fit that idea.
CE:
ReplyDeleteThe Brits have a more communitarian spirt, somewhat at odds with the Yanks' rugged individualism. Thus contributing to the larger effort was viewed as a laudable personal goal. Remember all the great Utilitarians (Bentham, Mill, etc.) were Brits.
Your perpetual juggling of drug cocktails would drive me to drink! The scary thing is, you're a trained physician. God help the amateur manic-drepressive of modest means. I get exhausted just reading about your tireless self-righting exercises.
take care
norm
I agree with your notion of a sense of mastery. I do believe that's the right approach. Also, enjoyed Triolet CE - especially this line: "Whose tiny mirrors gave him the power to think."
ReplyDeleteSaying goodbye to a good friend: do you mean alcohol? I only ask because I made the exact same statement at my first (and only) AA meeting - giving up alcohol was, for me, the loss of an old friend. At least it felt that way at the time (that was seven years ago).
ReplyDeleteThanks all for visiting and your rich opinions. Yes, as of today, I am a non-drinker. Whether I will suffer through AA meetings is another question. I can't relate to those who lost their spouses, houses, and ended up in a county rehab facility. I'm not saying I'm better; I'm just a relatively heavy drinker. How else could I bear TV?
ReplyDeleteGood to see some new faces here.
CE